I Won’t Allow It

We don't know about Britney, but our only religion is the worship of ethereal goddesses, such as herself.

Okay, the U.K. tabloid “The Sun” isn’t exactly a publication of high repute, so we’ll take this with a grain of salt, but in Gordon Smart’s “Bizarre USA” column on July 10, it was reported that our Goddess of Unbridled Sexuality, Britney Spears, was thinking of converting to Judaism for her latest squeeze.

According to the publication, the unrivaled Ms. Spears (who had a brief dalliance with Kabbalah during her period of intense collaboration with Madonna earlier in the decade) has begun wearing Judaic jewelery and studying the religion with a rabbi.

We’re sorry to hear this, because we hoped when Britney announced her children were her religion when she discontinued her study of Kabbalah, she had come to the realization that you don’t switch faiths like a child playing a game of hopscotch simply to impress or please someone that’s important to you.

We don’t know if Ms. Spears took it upon herself to convert or if her boyfriend, Jason, made the suggestion, but either way, if the pair is truly in love, religion shouldn’t matter.  Of course, if Britney is genuinely interested in the Jewish faith, that’s another story entirely.  And if none of this is true, there’s no story at all.